Friday, May 6, 2011

Toe Dirt & Unicorn Rides

I've been trying to keep myself busy during this past week. I've been trying to keep my mind off the fact that it's Mother's Day this weekend.

Thankfully, it hasn't been difficult.  The end of the school year is always crazy busy.

Today I was at Kanopolis State Park for an all day field trip with my students.  It was an awesome day--so much fun with coworkers, parents, and students.

We spent the day doing stations, roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, and hiking.

Although I was busy the entire day, I did think about Maggie a lot.  When we first scheduled this field trip I knew that I wouldn't be able to help out as much as usual.  I would be 7 months pregnant- my belly would be big by now.  I wouldn't be able to climb on the rocks, unload the truck, or do the 2 hour hike.  As much as I love this field trip, I was definitely disappointed that I could participate as much as I wanted to. I would much rather be sitting at a picnic table, sipping on water, rubbing my bulging belly, and putting up swollen feet.  I so wished I could have been nursin' me some swollen cankles.

It was a day outside with lots of climbing, exploring, and dirt. It was great to interact with the kids outside of the classroom. And, they all look so cute when they sleep.  Us teachers never get to see that part. The part where they are angelically sleeping with their faces covered with a nice mixture of crusted on dirt/marshmallow/ketchup goo. 

However, when I got home I was exhausted and absolutely filthy.

I WAS WEARING SOCKS & SHOES!  This is what my feet were like when I got home.  Dirt in every crevice even after wearing socks and shoes.  Good Grief.  Oh, and a few sidenotes: First, I was told that my nail polish is "Hoochie Mama Red" color.  Second, the zoom really worked on this shot.  Sorry if feet gross you out. 
So, my plans for the weekend to keep me busy so that I won't have to think about the fact that I am a childless mama on Mother's Day:
  • Flower shopping & lunch with a friend.  Planning on buying some red geraniums.  Just like Grandma Anna had at her NY house.
  • 263 loads of laundry. Ugh.  How do 2 people have so many dirty clothes?
  • Nap on the couch in my stretchy pants.
  • HC graduation on Sunday morning (good way to avoid church on Sunday morn).
  • Lunch with family Sunday afternoon. Buffet? Yes, please.
  • Grading 73,549 papers that I've put off grading for the past 2 weeks (should have taken them to Kanopolis and let them accidentally blow into large fire pit).
  • Visit Maggie to tell her about Mother's Day. It is her first one.  She probably doesn't know she should get me a gift or flowers or something.  I will tell her so that she knows for next year. Hopefully she still recognizes my voice.
Any other ideas?  Suggestions welcome.

Oh, and I got the number for the photographer from the hospital.  I called her.  I wasn't quite sure how to introduce myself.  I told her I was calling about the pictures from when I delivered my stillborn daughter.  It was a lot awkward.  There's no good way of saying that.

Anyways, she was surprised I still hadn't received them.  She said her boss would call me.  I'm still waiting for the call.  I'm getting a bit ticked off.  Seriously.  I mean, I already got the raw end of the deal with the whole "stillborn daughter" thing, I don't think I need to get it with the pictures, too.

But, I realize this probably isn't a priority for them.  The priorities are the mommies and babies where the kid is actually alive and they need to show their adorable, living child off to everyone.  Those pictures are a little more important than Maggie's (please note sarcasm).

Do you think Maggie misses me as much as I miss her?  I hope she has some people to take care of her.  To read her stories and tuck her in and rock her and put her hair in piggy-tails. And give her horse/rainbow unicorn rides in heaven (There are rainbow unicorns in heaven, right?). And tell her how much her mama loved her. And wanted her. And couldn't wait to meet her. And still can't wait to meet her. 

Copyright Lisa Frank.  I'm pretty sure I had a trapper keeper of Lisa Frank in 5th grade.


  1. Kalee and I think that my nephew, Jordan (my brother and wife lost him after 2 months), is probably keeping Miss Maggie company and showing her all the wonders of Heaven!! Including the rainbow unicorns - how perfect those 2 must be!!

  2. My baby is riding the rainbow unicorns too. Hang in there Rachel. Its hard for all of us. Not sure it gets easier.


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