Saturday, April 30, 2011

37 days

My Maggie has been gone for 5 weeks.  37 days to be exact.

In those 37 days I have
  • cried more tears than I thought my body was capable of.
  • prayed more pathetic prayers.
  • avoided baby sections like the plague.
  • hardly gone in the room where all of Maggie's clothes are still hanging.
  • realized how many women have lost their precious children.  Too many.
  • gotten way too many doctor and hospital bills.
  • thought about how my life would b different if her little heart were still beating.
  • thought about what it would have been like to go through labor with a breathing, living, squirmy baby left in my arms.
  • wondered a gajillion times what she would have looked like and sounded like.
  • wondered a gajillion more times what she is doing with herself these days.
  • wondered a trazillion times if she misses me as much as I miss her.
  • wondered if Maggie will ever be a big sister.

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