Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Lightning does strike twice

I was hoping to share some good news with you in the next couple of weeks.
Like baby-nugget-goodness good news.

Before New Year's D and I found out we were expecting a baby.
Words cannot describe the feelings of elation and terror and wonder and trepidation that we felt.

Unfortunately, that news is no longer.

We went in today for a sonogram.
I was 8 weeks, 4 days.
And unfortunately, there was no heartbeat.
Again.

To say the least, we are devastated and heartbroken.
We are confused
and shocked
and heartsick.
We are mourning the loss of another precious part of our family.
Mourning the loss of another child.
We have lost our hope.
Again.

I go in Friday morning for a D&C.

Rest in Peace little love nugget.

12 comments:

  1. I am crying with you and for you. That's all I'll say because it's all I wanted to hear last November.

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  2. Praying for you. I've been here... 3 times. It is sheer devastation.
    Only God can provide a peace that passes all understanding.

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  3. so sad & so unfair, love you!

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  4. Rachel I am so sorry, I know that words can't help what you are going through but know that I am praying and thinking of you.

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  5. I am so sad to hear of this. Hold on, Dear Ones! We are not as we were meant to be. But, someday we WILL be whole.

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  6. I'm so sorry Rachel. You and Dave will be in my thoughts and prayers this week and in weeks to come.

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  7. Rachel, I am so so sorry. I'm praying for you!

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  8. it's not fair. and it terribly sad. prayers for peace and for clarity, and for restoration.

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  9. Praying HARD right this moment. Thank you again for your openness.

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  10. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry, Rachel. Truly, truly sorry and praying for healing.

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  11. At a time like this words are only words. Crying with YOU and praying for YOU. And praying your dreams of holding your own lil miracle will so very soon come true!

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  12. Rachel,

    I'm sure you have been flooded by emails and comments like this, but I wanted to add mine to the pile. I am so sorry that you are once again saying goodbye. There is no limit to the unfairness of our world, and I have to admit that I am struggling to understand why God continues to allow the unfairness to exist. It seems so simple. Bless those who deserve to be blessed, who strive to be worthy of the good things in their lives, who would raise a child that would change the world or at least a child who would be as wonderful as his or her parents. I wish I could be one of those unselfish people who fights against injustices that are not their own, but I am not. I wish that I could fight against injustices that can be changed. Instead, I find myself fighting against an injustice that is thoroughly outside my control, the injustice of loss. Know that I cry with you and for you as you once again face the loss of your indescribably dear child, and that I pray for comfort, peace, courage, and love as you again navigate the unfriendly depths of grief. I pray, too, that one day we can introduce our children, sit around drinking coffee (or something stronger) and complain happily about the pain of labor or how the school called about our child's behavior.

    If I can return the favor you paid me last fall by buying you coffee, tea, Coke, and offering a shoulder to cry on, let me know! Until then, know that you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers!

    Hope

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