Monday, December 12, 2011

Let's find the good in all this.

Okay. So I'm trying to stay positive.
I'm trying really hard not to be Negative Nelly.
I know life could be way, way worse.
So I'm working really hard at
thinking about the (wine or beer or mixed cocktail) glass as half full.
I'm trying to find the humor in all of this.
But I can't.
I'm finding it rather hard.
So I thought maybe you could help me.

Here are the things I'm needing help in finding joy in:
(and don't ask but I'm hen pecking this on my iPod.
Therefore I cannot use the bullet function for some reason. That's dumb.)

Number 1:
I have a sharps container on my kitchen counter.
And it is half-way full already (literally not figuratively).

Number 2:
More empty syringes will be added to it tonight, tomorrow night, and Wednesday night
after Dave gives me more shots.

Number 3:
I have talked with the doctor's office and pharmacy more in the last few days
than I've talked with my own family. They are on speed dial.

Number 4:
3 doctor's appointments an hour away in 6 days.
Totally overrated.

Number 5:
And after al this there is still no certainty that
things will work out.

Number 6:
Another year that we aren't sending out a Christmas card.
It's not too exciting to send one out of just the two of us.
Plus those are supposed to bring good news, right?
Pretty sure no one wants to read about Maggie in a Christmas letter.

Number 7:
I feel like a disappointment and failure.
I've disappointed my family by not giving them
a child or grandchild or niece or nephew.
This is something that I should be able to do easily.
And I can't.
And it's humiliating and embarrassing.
I know, it shouldn't be.
It's not my fault.
It's nothing I can control or do anything about.
But ask any woman who has dealt with infertility or lost a child.
And I can guarantee they feel humiliated and
Completely ashamed.

Number 8:
What if Maggie was my only chance?


  1. You could make lots of syringe crafts?! ;)
    In all seriousness though, I have no words--just lots of prayers!

  2. I love your honesty. I know that some of my family reads my blog and sometimes I'm afraid to be this honest. I admire you.

    We aren't sending out Christmas cards either. I don't blame you.

    Many, many prayers for your dr appts coming up. Please feel free to email me/FB message me if there are specific things you'd like prayers for. Love you.

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