I am trying to keep track of our journey. Mostly for me; maybe for others. Either way, I want to remember the joy that Maggie brought and still continues to bring to life. I'm not sure how many chapters it will take to tell our story.
It has been exactly one week that we could not find her heartbeat. Our Magic was gone.
It was a Friday night and Dave and I were laying on the couch (we're really, really good at this). We had been debating names for our baby girl. I was getting annoyed because he had spent the last 25 minutes (loudly) reciting every girl's name off every baby name website. He was being obnoxious by choosing names that were obviously not a good fit for us. He finally said, "What about Magic?" We laughed- shocked that 1) a website suggested Magic as a girl's name and 2) someone would actually consider naming their precious daughter this horrid name. Sorry to those of you who really like this as a name. You are free to use it for your next child-I would be honored.
Since we could not decide (or agree?) on anything serious, we joked that maybe we should call her Magic. That way (from the advice of other expecting friends) we wouldn't "slip" and call her by her real name in front of others, too. Since then she was Magic. Actually, she's always been magic (that's for other chapters, though).
Since last week, many people have suggested that we come up with a name for her. Not Baby Girl. Not Baby Harder. But, the thought of naming my daughter Magic was disturbing and I refused to be that weirdo. Magic Harder doesn't have a nice ring to it. And, I didn't want to have to explain the story.
What name could we choose that would remind us of Magic? Cigam? Gamic? Icmag? Magci? Magie is French for magic. Not that I'm French. Or even know French. Whatever. Maggie seemed like the perfect name for a perfect little girl.
We picked Ann as the middle name for several reasons. It seems like having the name Ann in your name makes you a wonderful person. My sister, for one. Who can beat her? She is wonder woman (sans unitard). And, for two, my Aunt Betty Ann. She was at the hospital with us on Thursday walking me through all of this. She fluffed my pillows. Wiped my tears. It seems obvious- Ann=wonderful.
This is how our Magic began.