Sunday, November 13, 2011

I did it. Even though I blubbered.

Get it here.
I did it.
I showed her pictures and
I spoke about her.
My precious daughter.

I don't know if I did her justice
(I don't think I ever will),
but I did my best.
The only thing is that I definitely didn't do was
make it through without crying.
I was on the first slide.
The tears came.
I'm positive that I blubbered.
And my voice squeaked at some many points.
I did it.
I got through it.
That was my goal.
I spoke about Mags.
I told her story.
I told my story.
Our story.
The story of my daughter and me.
The story that's too short.
The one that doesn't end the way I planned.
Or wanted.
But, I'm determined to make sure that the horrible ending
is not really the end of her
and us.

And, I'm proud of myself.
That more women are aware
that pregnancy doesn't always work out perfectly.
That it doesn't always happen the way you envision it will.
And, more women are aware of what they
should and shouldn't do.
And what things they should and shouldn't say.
And, if I can help one woman from not hearing,
"Everything happens for a reason" or
"You can always have another" or
"Your angel is watching you from heaven."
And, instead, she hears,
"I'm sorry" or
"I'd love to hear about your child, if you'd like."
Then, I've done my job.

I don't have pictures.
I don't know if anyone does, actually.
It wasn't really a photo-opp,
if you know what I'm saying.
Plus, if there were pictures,
I'd need to photo-shop my eyes
so they weren't all red and puffy and teary and squinty.

Enough about me, though.
I did want to mention, though...
this Sister Care Seminar?
Was fabulous.
I'd completely recommend it to any woman
who wants to learn a bit about how to care and support women.
Because, honestly?
The church does drop the ball sometimes.
And, it is more likely that you will be asked to help and support a friend
before that friend goes to
their pastor or deacon or elder or professional shrink.
We, as women, need to help each other,
support, and pray for each other.

And, I was surrounded by some of the most important and caring women in my life.
Some I had known for years,
while others I had just met.

(If you want to attend a Sister Care Seminar, look here--they are going on for the next several months.)

And, they ended with a blessing.
I chose the parts that spoke to me the most...

May God bless you with healing for wounds from the past
and all that breaks your heart today.

May your tears be transformed into life-giving
compassion and love for others.

Go now with the assurance that you are beloved
and called to be a living blessing to others.



  1. I'm so proud of you, Rachel. Thank you for sharing your story and teaching us. Did you notice that almost every woman there was crying with you? I hope you were able to receive their love and strength as they sang their prayers back to you. It was an amazing conference. I was so blessed by it and glad you were, too.


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