Almost 27 Weeks

Herbie was looking a bit down in the dumps.  He was sad because Puckett had her feet smashed against his face for most of the appointment.

Puckett did not cooperate for a 3D picture, but we were happy with a profile view.

I had another ultrasound (we have started the every two week appointments) today and I go back on Wednesday for my Glucose thing, my needle-is-the-size-of-a-hose-Rho-Gam shot, and my appointment with Dr. Eck.

How Far Along: 27 weeks on Wednesday

Size of Babies: Herbie (boy) was measuring 2 pounds, 2 ounces and Puckett (girl) was measuring 2 pounds exactly.  Both had feet that were about 5 centimeters.  They are right on track with all the normal singleton statistics.

Baby Foot and tootsies.  Squee!!!! This are adorable.

Weight Gain:  I am up about 32-35 pounds, which goes right along with Dr. Luke's goal of 1 pound to 1 1/2 pounds a week.  I can eat consistently but not in large amounts like I used to be able to.  But, I am still packing on the pounds.

Belly:  Continuing to grow as it should be; starting to get in the way when tying shoes, scooting into the table; bending over, etc.  It gets tired of hanging there after a day of work, but other than that, I love it.  And I love seeing it move and twist.  I will find out on Wednesday how I am measuring compared to a singleton--I am guessing 33-34 weeks if I am continuing on track like I have been.

Sleep: I actually can't complain at all about this.  I have been sleeping pretty well minus the bathroom breaks and such.  I am getting way more than I will, so I am enjoying my slumber.

Movement:  They are both moving a lot lately and depending on their positions, their kicks and movements are almost uncomfortable (almost, but not....).  They are still able to flip positions and such, so now both are bottom down (little stinkers) and finding ways to annoy each other.

Puckett, in fact, moved to a quite gymnast-like position- where she was folded in half and her legs and feet were up on top of her head.

Other things:

• We are slowly getting the nursery ready.  Although I still feel like it is early, I know that the average 36 week delivery mark for twins is only 9 weeks away. And when I think of it like that, I freak out just a little bit.

Awesome cell phone pic.  Our start to the nursery.  The box in the corner is all of Maggie and Nugget's things.  The cribs will go along the wall on the right.

• We haven't bought a ton of stuff, but instead, I am collecting up Maggie's old clothes and going through bags that my sister had from her kids.
• If I didn't buy anything, Herbie would be buck-naked for the first few months of his life.
• I did wash some of the clothes and sorted them.  The toughest part is I am not sure how much they will weigh so I am not quite sure which size clothes I will need.  And, Maggie's due date was in July.  So, a lot of clothes are from opposite seasons so I may have a garage sale.  Or we may just try for another kid.  And then end up like the Duggar's.
• And speaking of the Duggar's, their daughter Josie was born at about 2 pounds. I looked her up to see what my little ones look like. 

Source here.  Josie weighed 1 pound, 6 ounces when she was born.  And my little things are bigger than that!

24.5 Weeks

This past Thursday I had another appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor in Wichita.  I was a bit anxious for this appointment, as my 24 week appointment with Maggie ended way differently than I ever imagined it would.

We got the joy of having another hour and a half sonogram due to the fact that both Herbie and Puckett were not cooperating with the sonographer.  More details below.

How Far Along: 24.5 weeks

Size of Babies: Baby Boy (A) weighs 1 lb 8 oz and Baby Girl (B) weighs 1 lb 4 oz.  They are about a foot long, from crown to heel.  They both are continuing to gain weight and grow as they should and are right on track with singleton pregnancies.

Weight Gain: Since my last appointment with the MFM I had gained 7 pounds (in 5 weeks). They were happy with that growth but continued to encourage me to continue to eat good fats, calories, and proteins, and eat enough of protein.  Proof of the weight gain is my quadruple chin that is forming quickly.

Belly: Continuing to grow, which is great.  That is reassurance that they are gaining weight and growing the way they should.  It is getting tougher to find shirts in my closet that fit (medium maternity shirts are getting snug) but I refuse to buy more clothes until I absolutely need to and the weather has cooled off. 

Sleep:  Same as the last post.  Decent sleep with some bathroom breaks or switching from side to side.

Movement: I feel them all the time now- mostly when I am sitting or laying down.  And, since I had the sonogram, I now know which movements are coming from which baby.  They are active and I am now seeing their movements outside of my belly, too (the remote will move around if I lay it on my belly).

Food Cravings: No cravings anymore.  Just continuing to eat as much as I can and eat enough healthy foods, too.

Appointments:  As I said, I had an appointment with the MFM on Thursday.  We were mostly concerned with the growth of Puckett (girl) and the size difference between the two babies wouldn't increase and wouldn't be greater than 20%.  

Since our last appointment, Puckett gained 11 ounces and Herbie (boy) gained 13 ounces.  So, the doctor did not seem concerned and actually seemed pleased with both of the growth that they were making.  Since Puckett is a girl she may just be small to begin with and the smaller size is because of her make-up--not because there is a problem.  She is still measuring in the 33rd percentile for a singleton pregnancy.  

Because of all the good news, we have graduated from the MFM doctor and will not go back unless other issues arise.  We will continue to watch Puckett's growth and make sure she is making the progress she needs.

My next appointment is with Dr. Eck next week.  We will start scheduling appointments every two weeks from then on.

Emotions: This past week was difficult for me- for several reasons.  Last Friday, the 7th was Nugget's expected due date.  And although I never said anything, it felt weird (there is no word to describe my feelings) to know that I probably would be delivering a son if things hadn't gone the way they did. 

I was also struggling because I was the same time gestationally that I was when I lost Maggie.  Plus, I had the appointment so between the two I had flashbacks and worried that the same thing would happen again.  

More about my thoughts on all of this in the post below.

Other things:

• I am having some pinched nerve issues and pain issues in my leg and lower back.  There's nothing much I can do except stretch and not stay in one position for a long amount of time.  And I can only expect these pains to increase as time goes on.
• My feet have started to swell after certain situations (sitting for too long, not putting my feet up), etc.  Enough that most shoes won't fit me but fortunately this is not happening all the time.
•  I had one of the best weekends in a long, long time.  My girlfriends from college visited me from Indiana (minus two of them).  Remember them from last year?  More on that later this week after I recover.

All in all- a wonderful week- a week that made my heart soar and be full of thankfulness, so matter how many tears were shed.  So thankful and feeling blessed and full of joy.

******************************
One more thing, prayers for a few family members who have experienced  some heartbreak over the past week or two.  And although their life events are completely different, they are still heartbreaking.  
They are both loss of hopes.
And dreams.
Just know, you two, that you are in my prayers.
That I think of you often.
And I know my words bring no comfort.
Or answers.
But I will continue to pray.
And hold you both in my hearts.

Hitting Some Milestones

This week I passed another major milestone.
A major one that has been on my check-off list for awhile.
24 weeks.
Check
and done.
We have passed that major hurdle.

I have been dreading this week for awhile as I knew that along with this milestone came another major doctor's appointment.  And I was terrified that our appointment would turn out like the last one.

I thought a lot this week.
I prayed a lot.
I cried more than I have in a long time.

This was my struggle and maybe some of you who have been on this journey can help me out.
I am incredibly thankful and excited and ecstatic and everything-else-good about Herbie and Puckett.  I am so excited to meet them face-to-face and hear their screams and feel their movements in person.
But how do you feel all of these things without feeling guilt about losing your last child?
Let me explain...
I know that without Maggie dying (and without losing Nugget), that I would not have Herbie and Puckett.  I feel badly for being so excited when I know that the only reason they are here is that Maggie and Nugget didn't survive.
How do I celebrate the lives and arrivals of Herbie and Puckett when I know that my celebration is because of previous loss and sorrow?
Any advice?

*****************************
Also,
while I was cleaning out my car, I found
a CD that my cousins sent me after Maggie died.
It was Steven Curtis Chapman's Beauty Will Rise  album-
the one that he wrote after his daughter died.

I listened to the CD quite a bit last March and April
but I put it in again this past week.
And listened to the lyrics to and from work.
And, I heard new things.
Or, at least, I heard things and they meant something totally different to me now than they did then.
I remember listening
and hearing the parts about joy coming in the morning.
And in my heart, I knew that it would happen.
Somehow.
But I didn't really believe it.
Or, I had no idea how I would feel joy and life again.
But, now I get it.
Joy is coming
and is on its way.
And out of all the ashes,
there is beauty rising.

And I am in awe of the fact that out of ashes that seemed so completely devastating
and heartbreaking
that something so beautiful can arise.

22 Weeks

How Far Along: 22 weeks

Size of Babies: Almost the size of a ruler and about a pound each.  

Weight Gain: You don't need specifics, right?  Up a lot because of the new diet.  Which I am fine with...I do not want to be one of those ladies who complains about being chubby and fat. I realize how chubby and fat and big I will get. I do not care.  I will make fun of myself because of it if I know that it is helping Herbs and Pucks.  

Belly: I am enjoying my belly. It gets in the way (but not too much).  It is fully of baby wonderfulness.

Super cellphone pic- taken at 22.4 weeks.

Sleep: I am exhausted by the end of the day so going to bed and falling asleep is not an issue.  I sleep with a body pillow which helps me get comfy.  I've been waking up about 3-4 times a night because of 

• Kicks (best feeling in the world). I wouldn't trade those kicks for anything.
• Leg cramps.  
• Full bladder.
• Sneezing husband.  Allergies are bad here lately.

Movement: I feel them everyday now, which is fantastic and my heart flips every single time I feel them.  I can usually decipher which one is which unless it's in the middle of my belly, where the two meet.  They like to move around mostly when I am sitting (driving in the car, reading to my students, sitting on the couch, or laying in bed) or after I have eaten (they like peaches).

Food Cravings: No cravings.  Just trying to get enough calories that are healthy and enough protein that I need for those little nuggets to grow.

Clothes: All maternity clothes except for t-shirts, which are now tight (and show off my sweet outie belly button, which is not cute).

Appointments:  I had one last Monday with Dr. Eck (this was the 3rd time I had to reschedule because of deliveries she had).  Everything went well except that I found out Missy, one of the nurses, is leaving and she has a replacement.  

I have an appointment in the middle of September in Wichita with the MFM again and the following week I have another appointment with Dr. Eck.  After that we will start to make my appointments every 2 weeks.

Emotions: Meh.  Trying to stay positive, but we are reaching the 24 week mark. The time when I delivered Maggie and I am getting nervous that something is going to go wrong between now and then, like it did last time.  I am just crossing my fingers that we make it to this milestone, as the next one is 28 weeks at viability!  

Other things:

• People in the waiting room are fascinating to watch. At my last appointment I saw many awkward things, which included:
• A couple expressing their intense love for each other by cuddling, draping their legs on each other and nuzzling each others' necks the whole time.  Seriously.  
• That same couple, commenting to each other when they watched another couple come out of the office.  The lady said to her husband, "That couple is old."  I wanted to smack them and hug the other couple out of excitement.  Who cares if they are older than what the norms baby-birthing age is? It made me ecstatic.
• Another pregnant woman came in wearing high heels and a mini-skirt.  Wowza.  Impressive that her feet still fit in them and that she was able to successfully walk in them from chair to receptionist's desk.  Way to go.
• Another couple walked out from seeing the doctor.  They saw some people they must have known.  The other people said, "Oh! Are you expecting?"  And the couple said, "No, we are trying."  My heart sunk.  But I was also impressed- that they stated the truth and did not shy away from it just to make it less comfortable.  

• People have been asking me about working after they make their appearance.  Ask all you want, but I don't have an answer for you.  My answer will be "I don't know."  That's my answer because I really don't know. There are so many factors (like their health most importantly) that go into making that decision and it is a decision that is for Dave and me to make.  It is a personal decision and I know that whatever decision we make, someone will disagree with it.  And, I know that I will feel guilt for whatever decision we do end up making.  I do not need other people to add to the guilt.  Like most women and mothers, I am good at making myself feel overly guilty.  More coming on this topic later.

• But, I will be going back to work to at least finish the school year.  I do not know how long I will be gone or when I will be gone or when I am delivering or when I am returning to school.  Again, this is something that depends on a lot of things- like bedrest, when I deliver, how the delivery goes, if we need NICU services, etc. 

• I will stop my rant.  
• One more thing. My parents are amazing.  
• Almost every night this week my mom or dad has made a meal for me to pick up and take home so that I don't have to cook.  The menus have included ham, meatloaf, chicken with marinara sauce, baked sweet potatoes, fried rice, peach bread pudding with a butter-rum sauce, pearsauce (like apple sauce), and pear crisp (like apple crisp).
• In addition, my mom has been starting to make baby food so that we can save some cash (and feed them yummy and healthy things).  She has completed pureed pears and is moving on to peaches and apples.
• I realize that this is rare and I am so appreciative of their generosity and thoughtfulness.  I only hope that I can be parents to Herbs and Pucks like they are to  my sister and me.

Today was kind of a big deal.

Today we had our 20 week (I'm 19.1) anatomy scan with the MFM.
This is kind of a big deal.

I realize that most of you will skip forward through my babble
and get to the part about the babies' goods.
That's fine.
But, to me, to us, that is not the most important thing.
Our biggest concern was if they were healthy.
And growing.
And doing what they should.

I will cut to the chase and tell you that they are wonderful.
And, at this point, are healthy and looking normal.

We had a 90 minute sonogram.
The sonographer was ridiculously good and
it was obvious this was not her first bull ride.
She measured everything and looked at everything
to make sure organs were developing properly
and things were working the way they should.
We got to see toes
and eye sockets
and the 4 chambers of the hearts
and femurs
and baby kidneys
and total cuteness abounding from H & P.
It was a squee!fest for me the entire time.

Unfortunately, she couldn't tell us good or bad news.
She shows the doctor the images
and then the doctor reports to us what is going on.

After the sonogram we had 20 minutes for lunch
and returned to the office to meet with the doctor.
Not surprisingly, she was 45 minutes late.
Which didn't calm my nerves at all.
I was starting to convince myself that something was wrong
if it was taking that long.
She finally came in.
And the words, "We don't see anything that looks concerning.
Everything looks really good"
were the most beautiful and relaxing words I have ever heard.
An answer to prayer 748,473.

We discussed more,
which may or may not come in a later post.

Let me just say,
that it is way fun texting and calling with good news.
And my cheeks hurt from smiling
and my heart is full of...
is there even a word for this feeling?


Here is Herbie, also known as Baby A.
And a thumbsucker.
And a boy.

A beautiful, 11 ounce boy.
And the calmer one of the two.

And here is Puckett, also known as Baby B.
And a mover and shaker.
And a girl.

A precious, 9 ounce girl.
Her little peanut nose about does me in.

We are blessed.
With a little boy and a girl.
Another little son and daughter.

They are healthy.
They are full of life.
They are mine.
I could not ask for more.

And really,
literally,
my cup runneth over.
My heart overflows.

Disclaimer: Again, my heart does not forget the sorrow, sadness, and heartbreak that posts like this bring to other people.  I realize that any announcement, of any sort, brings bitterness and questions to the forefront once again. I have not forgotten what it is like to be on that journey and my prayers and thoughts continue to be with those families who feel this sorrow.  I have not forgotten.  When grief carves such a deep hole in your life for so long, one cannot forget.  

Doctor & Diet

Today I had my first of two appointments this week.
Unfortunately, Dr. Eck was not able to be there.
I wasn't mad about it though.
She had 2 deliveries and an emergency c-section today
so she was at the hospital.
Great reason not to be at the clinic.
And, it reassured me that if I had any emergencies,
that she would be there to help me out.
I can easily reschedule.
Those other mamas needed her help.

But, I wasn't going to give up the chance to hear Herbs and Puckett.

Nurse found both heartbeats pretty quickly.
Then both varied between 152 and 159,
which are great rates.
And, it's great that they go up and down when she was checking.
That's what we want.
I rescheduled for next week, after my appointment with the MFM tomorrow.

***********************************
Some people have been curious about the diet that I've been on.
Diet isn't the right term.
Gluttony may work better.
Stuffing my face works, too.
But, I am willing to sacrifice for the good of the family.
Really, I'm sacrificing my body for science.
You're welcome.

So, basically, the diet comes from a book written by Dr. Barbara Luke out of Michigan State University (the book is When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads).
It was a suggestion by several people to read this,
as this lady is kind of a big deal
(as are most people from MSU, right Uncle Russ? :) )
And she kind of knows her stuff about pregnancy with lots o' babies.

So, I haven't read the whole book, as I'm taking it one step at a time.
Right now, I am focusing on the "growing-the-babies-so-they-survive-and-they-don't-have-to-go-to-the-NICU" part.
I will admit, I had a dichotomy of feelings after reading her book.
I was excited after reading all that I needed to eat (and didn't need to feel guilty about).
But I was also overwhelmed.
Because, working full-time, being pregnant, and cooking/eating well-rounded meals is difficult.

So, anyways, she says that after all of her research, her patients have been shown to have a much higher success rate of healthy twin delivery.  They are born bigger and healthier than those who do not follow the plan.  In fact, each baby (in a twin, triplet, or quad pregnancy) has the make-up to grow to be born at the same weight as a singleton baby.  We just have to give them the environment to allow that to happen.
Yes, that means I will be full of baby if I do this right.
It means that I will probably be a bit rotund, if you will.
Yes, that is a bit overwhelming and scary
when I think about birth
and recovery
and everything else.
But, if that means that they don't have to spend as much time in the hospital
or that they do not struggle with life,
I'm great with that.
And I'd much rather be overwhelmed now
than overwhelmed because they can't breathe
or I can't hold them.

Onto her magical plan...

• I should gain about 40-50 pounds throughout the pregnancy.  The most important weight gain is until 28 weeks. Meaning, I should focus most on gaining weight earlier in my pregnancy, not later.
• I need to eat every 2-3 hours.
• 3,500 calories a day.  At first I was like, "Yay!" And then, when I tried it, I was like, "Seriously?"  And the 3,500 calories should not come from one visit to Old Country Buffet.  I still need a pumping heart, afterall.
• My goal should be 176 grams of protein a day, 350 grams of carbohydrates, and 155 grams of fat.  
• Per day, I should try to have 
• 8 servings of dairy (ice cream is included as a dairy! bam!)
• 4 servings of veggies
• 7 servings of fruit
• 10 servings of grains
• 6 servings of fats/oils/nuts
• 2 servings of eggs
• 3 servings of meat/fish/poultry
• 2 servings of red meat.  
• A day.
• In addition, to the smorgasbord of superfluous amounts of food, I need to drink 128 ounces of water a day.  Which, magically equals out to a gallon of water a day.  Hello, water buffalo.
• And then there are the vitamins.  I take about 11-12 a night and 1-2 in the morning.

So, there is no.freaking.way that I can eat all of that.  

That's just a load of food that cannot fit in my belly.

Also, having access to all of that food is difficult, too.  

I am doing the best I can--making sure that I eat frequently and making sure that what I eat is healthy and not just crappy calories. But, my tummy hurts from eating that much (I know, it's such a bad problem to have- first world problems, right?).

Also, I have not quite figured out how I am going to continue to eat and drink that much (and then visit the lavatory) while teaching and not leaving the class unattended and not teaching with my mouth full of protein bar and pudding.  

She also suggested taking 2 or 3 20-30 minute rests/naps throughout the day.  I kind of laughed out loud at that.  Because my break is in the morning.  And, then I get a 20-30 minute lunch and then the kids are back.  Which is why I want that roller scooter thing.  

At first when I read about this, I thought the lady was nuts.  

Because, a lot of what she was saying was going against what I had read or heard from the others about eating and pregnancy.   

Here's the dealio, though--this is not a singleton pregnancy.  

All the babycenter and bump and fetusmania.com websites are focused on singleton pregnancies.  

They rarely, if ever, discuss multiple pregnancies.  

And, what they do say is just stupid.  

Like, "Your belly will be bigger" and "You will see the doctor more frequently."

So, here's why I need to eat so much.  

Later on in the pregnancy, I will not physically be able to eat as much as I need to.  

In fact, I will not be able to intake as many calories as both babies need to live and keep growing. 

 My belly will be too full of baby goodness.  

Therefore, I need to pack on the pounds now. 

I need to get a "reserve" going so that later on, when I cannot eat, and they still need to grow, they will have an Old Country Buffet o' Fat to help themselves too. 

I will probably start to drop some pounds but they will be able to continue to gain weight from what I have stored up for winter (I am, in fact, like a bear going in for hibernation).  

That is why so many twins are born small. 

Because mothers cannot provide the amount of calories the that the 3 (or more) people need to live.

So, if you are pregnant with multiples, 

read this book (it's even available for Kindles).

It is so much more helpful than googling "Twin Pregnancy."

(Because inevitably you get the photos and

wonder how it is physically possible to have your belly hold that much).

More in the next day or two on Herbie and Puckett's anatomy scans.

P.S.  How many of you just went to google "twin pregnancy" so you could see those larger-than-life bellies?  Shame on you.

Brain Dump: Week 19

So, I'm not going to apologize for not posting for approximately 3 weeks.
Because, I feel as if I have some good excuses
as to why I have not been blogging.
1.) School.  I have been back pretty regularly.
2.) I am growing two humans. I am tired.
3.)  The Olympics need my support.

And, since I am tired
and my creativity has been sucked out of me by school and said babies,
this update is going to be a list.

Me, Herbie, and Puckett.

1.  Physically, I am feeling pretty fantastic.

2.  I hurt more in the evenings, but that is to be expected.  That will probably continue until Dave starts his nightly massages on my back. (Ahem).

3.  My belly is, thankfully, growing as it should.  It does hurt by the end of the day if I am not wearing any support around it.  And, it sometimes hurts when it is full of food.

4.  I am feeling them pretty consistently now--mostly at night after I drink my protein shake.

5.  I can feel them separately.  Recently, Puckett is more active that Herbie but I can feel each one.  And it is fantastic.  My heart flips every time I feel them.

4.  Emotionally, I am a bit of a wreck.  Or a lot.  It depends if you talk to me or D.

5.  If I don't feel them when I usually do, I freak out.  This has happened several times.  I lay in bed on my side (after drinking my night cap of protein shake) and wait and wait and wait.  And I pray that I will feel something.  And I don't know if I do or not.  And then my fat cat jumps on my face.  And I cry.  Because my cat is morbidly obese and because I'm pretty sure I am going to have to go back to that hospital and leave empty handed.  Again.

6.  Thankfully, D has an ultrasound machine at work.  I have gone to the clinic twice to get ultrasounded.  And both times, when I am standing there, not looking at the screen, the little flicker has shown up.  And they have both been moving around and waving and kicking and being cute little thangs.  Praise the Lord.

7.  Dave usually measures me as a bovine. Moo.

8.  Have I mentioned my twin diet? (If you are pregnant with multiples, you need to read by When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads by Dr. Barbara Luke.  It is so helpful and makes so much sense.) 3,500 calories a day.  I thought it would be awesome to eat that much. It is not.  The only thing that is great is that ice cream counts as a serving as dairy. And I'm gaining weight.  (Another post on that later.)

9.  I have an appointment on Wednesday afternoon with Dr. Eck for a regular check up.

10.  On Thursday I have an appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor for the 20 week anatomy scan.  Prayers appreciated, as we will find out if Herbie and Puckett are measuring the way they should be and if things are growing properly.  It's kind of a big deal.  And, we may be able to find out genders, too.

11.  I wish I would not be so paranoid and worried.  And I wish I could enjoy this.  But, I just want it to be done.  And have them here.

12.  I will be 19 weeks on Wednesday.

13.  I feel guilty for having to get a long term sub for school. I feel badly for the students and families to have to deal with a different teacher for awhile.  A wise woman once told me that every teacher is replaceable.  Great advice and completely true, but I still feel guilty.

14.  I feel guilty because I know that my joy and happiness brings sorrow to others who are wanting to expand their family and they can't.

15.  Despite all of these feelings of paranoia, doubt, worry, and guilt, I cannot help but feel so excited and thankful.

16.  And, I feel overwhelmed sometimes too.  But in a good way.  And in a totally selfish way too.  Like, I like to sleep.

17.  I am looking for a scooter or wheelchair of some sort.  Not really. But kind of.  Wouldn't it be nice if I could scoot around school in something like this?  Then, I could make sure I am sitting more often.  And, I could roll over people's feet when I don't like them. Whoops, sorry ma'am.  And, I could chase down kids at recess.  Win. Win. And win.  Stupid not to get one, if you ask me.

18.  I can't think of anything else.  I have used all my brain juice for the evening.

19.  Future posts include: diet for growing multiples and update on Dr. appointments this week.

20. And, because I couldn't end on 19. It just didn't feel right.