Deja vu. Or whatever.

I was talking to a friend at work.
We were discussing how this time, last year, is when I had
the appointment.
You know which one I'm talking about, right?
(This one, if you have no clue what I'm talking about.)
How that appointment was the Wednesday before spring break.
Which would be...
today.
Now, it's not March 16 today (which was the actual day)
but, it's the Wednesday before break.
Today.

from our bedroom window

And, do you know what's even weirder?
I had to go to that freaking clinic today.
For my blood draw.
Are you kidding me?
Seriously, guys,
that's hilarious.
Funny.
Real funny.

So, I drove down the same road.
Thinking that I did this exact thing last year.
I remember what I was thinking while driving there.
I remember what I was wearing
(I will never wear it again).

I drove to the same clinic.

Just with different expectations
and hopes this time.
No hopes of a heartbeat today.
Just hopes that I can, maybe, just maybe hear one in a few months time.
A different kind of hope.

It was weird
walking through those same clinic doors
and smelling the same
doctor-
coffee-
people-
antiseptic-
stale air
smell.
And my memories went right back to a year ago.

And?
I'm so relieved that last year's appointment is over.
That I never have to do that again.
At least not anytime soon.
Today's appointment went better than last year's.
Way better.
Thank goodness.

Today, my appointment was 5 minutes vs. 2 hours.
I left today with a reassured hope that maybe, this time, my levels will be where they should be
instead of a feeling of utter, pure devastation.
I left by myself
instead of Dave driving me home
while I call my parents.
I drove myself
instead of being huddled in the passenger seat.
Wailing.

Today was way better than a year ago.
Thankful
and hopeful.

Maggie's tree has buds!