Today was kind of a big deal.

Today we had our 20 week (I'm 19.1) anatomy scan with the MFM.
This is kind of a big deal.

I realize that most of you will skip forward through my babble
and get to the part about the babies' goods.
That's fine.
But, to me, to us, that is not the most important thing.
Our biggest concern was if they were healthy.
And growing.
And doing what they should.

I will cut to the chase and tell you that they are wonderful.
And, at this point, are healthy and looking normal.

We had a 90 minute sonogram.
The sonographer was ridiculously good and
it was obvious this was not her first bull ride.
She measured everything and looked at everything
to make sure organs were developing properly
and things were working the way they should.
We got to see toes
and eye sockets
and the 4 chambers of the hearts
and femurs
and baby kidneys
and total cuteness abounding from H & P.
It was a squee!fest for me the entire time.

Unfortunately, she couldn't tell us good or bad news.
She shows the doctor the images
and then the doctor reports to us what is going on.

After the sonogram we had 20 minutes for lunch
and returned to the office to meet with the doctor.
Not surprisingly, she was 45 minutes late.
Which didn't calm my nerves at all.
I was starting to convince myself that something was wrong
if it was taking that long.
She finally came in.
And the words, "We don't see anything that looks concerning.
Everything looks really good"
were the most beautiful and relaxing words I have ever heard.
An answer to prayer 748,473.

We discussed more,
which may or may not come in a later post.

Let me just say,
that it is way fun texting and calling with good news.
And my cheeks hurt from smiling
and my heart is full of...
is there even a word for this feeling?


Here is Herbie, also known as Baby A.
And a thumbsucker.
And a boy.

A beautiful, 11 ounce boy.
And the calmer one of the two.

And here is Puckett, also known as Baby B.
And a mover and shaker.
And a girl.

A precious, 9 ounce girl.
Her little peanut nose about does me in.

We are blessed.
With a little boy and a girl.
Another little son and daughter.

They are healthy.
They are full of life.
They are mine.
I could not ask for more.

And really,
literally,
my cup runneth over.
My heart overflows.

Disclaimer: Again, my heart does not forget the sorrow, sadness, and heartbreak that posts like this bring to other people.  I realize that any announcement, of any sort, brings bitterness and questions to the forefront once again. I have not forgotten what it is like to be on that journey and my prayers and thoughts continue to be with those families who feel this sorrow.  I have not forgotten.  When grief carves such a deep hole in your life for so long, one cannot forget.  

Doctor & Diet

Today I had my first of two appointments this week.
Unfortunately, Dr. Eck was not able to be there.
I wasn't mad about it though.
She had 2 deliveries and an emergency c-section today
so she was at the hospital.
Great reason not to be at the clinic.
And, it reassured me that if I had any emergencies,
that she would be there to help me out.
I can easily reschedule.
Those other mamas needed her help.

But, I wasn't going to give up the chance to hear Herbs and Puckett.

Nurse found both heartbeats pretty quickly.
Then both varied between 152 and 159,
which are great rates.
And, it's great that they go up and down when she was checking.
That's what we want.
I rescheduled for next week, after my appointment with the MFM tomorrow.

***********************************
Some people have been curious about the diet that I've been on.
Diet isn't the right term.
Gluttony may work better.
Stuffing my face works, too.
But, I am willing to sacrifice for the good of the family.
Really, I'm sacrificing my body for science.
You're welcome.

So, basically, the diet comes from a book written by Dr. Barbara Luke out of Michigan State University (the book is When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads).
It was a suggestion by several people to read this,
as this lady is kind of a big deal
(as are most people from MSU, right Uncle Russ? :) )
And she kind of knows her stuff about pregnancy with lots o' babies.

So, I haven't read the whole book, as I'm taking it one step at a time.
Right now, I am focusing on the "growing-the-babies-so-they-survive-and-they-don't-have-to-go-to-the-NICU" part.
I will admit, I had a dichotomy of feelings after reading her book.
I was excited after reading all that I needed to eat (and didn't need to feel guilty about).
But I was also overwhelmed.
Because, working full-time, being pregnant, and cooking/eating well-rounded meals is difficult.

So, anyways, she says that after all of her research, her patients have been shown to have a much higher success rate of healthy twin delivery.  They are born bigger and healthier than those who do not follow the plan.  In fact, each baby (in a twin, triplet, or quad pregnancy) has the make-up to grow to be born at the same weight as a singleton baby.  We just have to give them the environment to allow that to happen.
Yes, that means I will be full of baby if I do this right.
It means that I will probably be a bit rotund, if you will.
Yes, that is a bit overwhelming and scary
when I think about birth
and recovery
and everything else.
But, if that means that they don't have to spend as much time in the hospital
or that they do not struggle with life,
I'm great with that.
And I'd much rather be overwhelmed now
than overwhelmed because they can't breathe
or I can't hold them.

Onto her magical plan...

• I should gain about 40-50 pounds throughout the pregnancy.  The most important weight gain is until 28 weeks. Meaning, I should focus most on gaining weight earlier in my pregnancy, not later.
• I need to eat every 2-3 hours.
• 3,500 calories a day.  At first I was like, "Yay!" And then, when I tried it, I was like, "Seriously?"  And the 3,500 calories should not come from one visit to Old Country Buffet.  I still need a pumping heart, afterall.
• My goal should be 176 grams of protein a day, 350 grams of carbohydrates, and 155 grams of fat.  
• Per day, I should try to have 
• 8 servings of dairy (ice cream is included as a dairy! bam!)
• 4 servings of veggies
• 7 servings of fruit
• 10 servings of grains
• 6 servings of fats/oils/nuts
• 2 servings of eggs
• 3 servings of meat/fish/poultry
• 2 servings of red meat.  
• A day.
• In addition, to the smorgasbord of superfluous amounts of food, I need to drink 128 ounces of water a day.  Which, magically equals out to a gallon of water a day.  Hello, water buffalo.
• And then there are the vitamins.  I take about 11-12 a night and 1-2 in the morning.

So, there is no.freaking.way that I can eat all of that.  

That's just a load of food that cannot fit in my belly.

Also, having access to all of that food is difficult, too.  

I am doing the best I can--making sure that I eat frequently and making sure that what I eat is healthy and not just crappy calories. But, my tummy hurts from eating that much (I know, it's such a bad problem to have- first world problems, right?).

Also, I have not quite figured out how I am going to continue to eat and drink that much (and then visit the lavatory) while teaching and not leaving the class unattended and not teaching with my mouth full of protein bar and pudding.  

She also suggested taking 2 or 3 20-30 minute rests/naps throughout the day.  I kind of laughed out loud at that.  Because my break is in the morning.  And, then I get a 20-30 minute lunch and then the kids are back.  Which is why I want that roller scooter thing.  

At first when I read about this, I thought the lady was nuts.  

Because, a lot of what she was saying was going against what I had read or heard from the others about eating and pregnancy.   

Here's the dealio, though--this is not a singleton pregnancy.  

All the babycenter and bump and fetusmania.com websites are focused on singleton pregnancies.  

They rarely, if ever, discuss multiple pregnancies.  

And, what they do say is just stupid.  

Like, "Your belly will be bigger" and "You will see the doctor more frequently."

So, here's why I need to eat so much.  

Later on in the pregnancy, I will not physically be able to eat as much as I need to.  

In fact, I will not be able to intake as many calories as both babies need to live and keep growing. 

 My belly will be too full of baby goodness.  

Therefore, I need to pack on the pounds now. 

I need to get a "reserve" going so that later on, when I cannot eat, and they still need to grow, they will have an Old Country Buffet o' Fat to help themselves too. 

I will probably start to drop some pounds but they will be able to continue to gain weight from what I have stored up for winter (I am, in fact, like a bear going in for hibernation).  

That is why so many twins are born small. 

Because mothers cannot provide the amount of calories the that the 3 (or more) people need to live.

So, if you are pregnant with multiples, 

read this book (it's even available for Kindles).

It is so much more helpful than googling "Twin Pregnancy."

(Because inevitably you get the photos and

wonder how it is physically possible to have your belly hold that much).

More in the next day or two on Herbie and Puckett's anatomy scans.

P.S.  How many of you just went to google "twin pregnancy" so you could see those larger-than-life bellies?  Shame on you.

Brain Dump: Week 19

So, I'm not going to apologize for not posting for approximately 3 weeks.
Because, I feel as if I have some good excuses
as to why I have not been blogging.
1.) School.  I have been back pretty regularly.
2.) I am growing two humans. I am tired.
3.)  The Olympics need my support.

And, since I am tired
and my creativity has been sucked out of me by school and said babies,
this update is going to be a list.

Me, Herbie, and Puckett.

1.  Physically, I am feeling pretty fantastic.

2.  I hurt more in the evenings, but that is to be expected.  That will probably continue until Dave starts his nightly massages on my back. (Ahem).

3.  My belly is, thankfully, growing as it should.  It does hurt by the end of the day if I am not wearing any support around it.  And, it sometimes hurts when it is full of food.

4.  I am feeling them pretty consistently now--mostly at night after I drink my protein shake.

5.  I can feel them separately.  Recently, Puckett is more active that Herbie but I can feel each one.  And it is fantastic.  My heart flips every time I feel them.

4.  Emotionally, I am a bit of a wreck.  Or a lot.  It depends if you talk to me or D.

5.  If I don't feel them when I usually do, I freak out.  This has happened several times.  I lay in bed on my side (after drinking my night cap of protein shake) and wait and wait and wait.  And I pray that I will feel something.  And I don't know if I do or not.  And then my fat cat jumps on my face.  And I cry.  Because my cat is morbidly obese and because I'm pretty sure I am going to have to go back to that hospital and leave empty handed.  Again.

6.  Thankfully, D has an ultrasound machine at work.  I have gone to the clinic twice to get ultrasounded.  And both times, when I am standing there, not looking at the screen, the little flicker has shown up.  And they have both been moving around and waving and kicking and being cute little thangs.  Praise the Lord.

7.  Dave usually measures me as a bovine. Moo.

8.  Have I mentioned my twin diet? (If you are pregnant with multiples, you need to read by When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads by Dr. Barbara Luke.  It is so helpful and makes so much sense.) 3,500 calories a day.  I thought it would be awesome to eat that much. It is not.  The only thing that is great is that ice cream counts as a serving as dairy. And I'm gaining weight.  (Another post on that later.)

9.  I have an appointment on Wednesday afternoon with Dr. Eck for a regular check up.

10.  On Thursday I have an appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor for the 20 week anatomy scan.  Prayers appreciated, as we will find out if Herbie and Puckett are measuring the way they should be and if things are growing properly.  It's kind of a big deal.  And, we may be able to find out genders, too.

11.  I wish I would not be so paranoid and worried.  And I wish I could enjoy this.  But, I just want it to be done.  And have them here.

12.  I will be 19 weeks on Wednesday.

13.  I feel guilty for having to get a long term sub for school. I feel badly for the students and families to have to deal with a different teacher for awhile.  A wise woman once told me that every teacher is replaceable.  Great advice and completely true, but I still feel guilty.

14.  I feel guilty because I know that my joy and happiness brings sorrow to others who are wanting to expand their family and they can't.

15.  Despite all of these feelings of paranoia, doubt, worry, and guilt, I cannot help but feel so excited and thankful.

16.  And, I feel overwhelmed sometimes too.  But in a good way.  And in a totally selfish way too.  Like, I like to sleep.

17.  I am looking for a scooter or wheelchair of some sort.  Not really. But kind of.  Wouldn't it be nice if I could scoot around school in something like this?  Then, I could make sure I am sitting more often.  And, I could roll over people's feet when I don't like them. Whoops, sorry ma'am.  And, I could chase down kids at recess.  Win. Win. And win.  Stupid not to get one, if you ask me.

18.  I can't think of anything else.  I have used all my brain juice for the evening.

19.  Future posts include: diet for growing multiples and update on Dr. appointments this week.

20. And, because I couldn't end on 19. It just didn't feel right.

15 weeks (a tad late)

How Far Along: 15 weeks and 3 days.  

Size of Babies: About 4 inches long and weigh about 2.5 oz each (the weight of a small hamster).

Source here.  This is like Herbie and Puckett. Just not so hairy. Or germy.  Or  unintelligent.

Weight Gain: Only up about 4-5 pounds (depending on when I weigh myself).  According to my doctor, my goal in the next few weeks is to eat more food with protein and calcium.  Which I heard as: eat more steak dinners and have more ice cream.  Done and done. 

Belly: I don't notice a huge change from last week. It just feels different than it has.   Not painful, but just tight.  Like it is full of baby goodness.  Which is priceless.

Sleep: I need to get on a regular schedule soon- the summer sleeping schedule always messes with me when I try to return to my work schedule.  I am still tired, but not nearly as tired as I was previously. And, I only get up once or twice a night to go to the bathroom.

Movement: Almost every night at 10:30-11:30 I feel something.  Nothing huge yet, but I know what to feel for.  There's definitely movement. And it is is fantastic.

Food Cravings: Ice cream, cheese, raspberries. There isn't anything I have to have, but I think I am moving into the "I will eat anything in sight" phase.

Clothes: Mostly workout shorts (which fit if I wear them down low) and t-shirts.  Otherwise, I am wearing all maternity shirts and bottoms now. 

Appointments: I had one this past Wednesday (Mag's due date). The breakdown:

• Waited freaking forever.
• I peed in a cup, as per usual.
• I got to see nurse Andi for the first time since that day.  
• Did a mini/portable sonogram.
• I didn't see much for several reasons.  1) I didn't want to look at first. 2) I was laying down 3.) The screen was seriously the size of a phone's screen.
• What I did see was adorable and wonderful: two fluttering hearts and two little things that looked like actual babies. Score!
• I have an appointment with Dr. Eck in August, the week before school starts.
• The next day I have an appointment with a perinatologist to do the 20 week anatomy scan.  I am a bit nervous about that, but glad that we are meeting with someone who can help us out if there are issues that need to be dealt with.

Emotions: Surprisingly okay.  


I had a bit of a lazy day on Wednesday after the appointment, as I was struggling with the dichotomy of having my ultrasound and being ecstatic about the results of that while, on the other hand, knowing that it was Maggie's due date.


As much as I am excited and thrilled about this pregnancy, I am ready for it to be over, if you know what I mean. Now now, but I am ready for December to be here.  I am tired of worrying and thinking about the "what ifs" all the time.  I am tired of being paranoid. I am tired of thinking about if everything I am eating and drinking and doing is somehow affecting Herbie and Puckett in a negative way. I have been trying to keep myself busy with school stuff, but as I approach the time when they are the same gestational age as Mags was when she died, I am getting more and more nervous.  And I wish I could just relax and enjoy this more than I am.


And, then, I know I shouldn't complain.  Because this is such a good thing.


And, the video below has nothing to do with anything.
I just watched it.
And I thought it was hilarious. 


And every time I have watched it,
I end up sitting here with a huge goofy smile on my face.
Because the guy seems so nice 
(and his laugh is hilarious)
and I think because it's so nice to hear people laugh.

50 of Life's Little Pleasures

If you've never read anything from Thought Catalog, you should.
I do not read all of the articles (such as "Why Ted is Worth Seeing" because I have no desire to see that movie.  At all.).
But, some are hilarious.
Or thought provoking.
Or a good waste of time.
Like "13 Inventions the World Needs Desperately"
(Can I get an amen for #2, 3, and 10?).

I read one today called "50 of Life's Little Pleasures."

Here are mine, in no particular order.

1. Heartbeat on a Doppler.

2.  Rabbit turd ice.

3. Hot burn-your-mouth-lava french fries.

4. Clean sheets.

5. Free or 69 cent songs on iTunes that you actually want.

6.  This video.


7.  Sunday afternoon naps.

8.  Finding a good book you can't put down.

9.  School supply aisles.

10.  Fresh corn on the cob.

11.  When kids say things wrong ("chocolate pupcakes" or "Jippy John's").

12.  Used book stores.

13.  A grocery cart that isn't messed up.

14.  Educator's discount.

15.  Taking a pile of your old crap to Goodwill.

16.  Bread bowls.

17.  Cheese.

18.  Free pens at a store.

19.  Finishing your to-do list.

20.  Corn dogs.

21.  Sweat pants. Comfy pants.  Sunday pants.  Elastic pants. Whatever.  Heaven.

22.  Ultrasound pictures.

23.  Seeing pictures of celebrities look like trash.

24. Good fortunes in your cookie.  Not just stupid statements.

25.  Pandora.

26.  Vacuum lines in the carpet.

27.  Freshly bathed babies.

28.  Big trees.

29.  Brunch.

30.  Politeness.

31.  Using up all the ink in a pen.

32.  Homemade tortillas.

33.  Knowing the answers on Jeopardy.

34.  Seeing parents being nice to their kids in a store.

35.  Frosty mugs.  With any beverage in them.

36.  Bloopers at the end of movies.

37.  Free bread or chips at a restaurant.

38.  Antiques Road Show.

39.  Sale racks.

40.   Good ambiance.

41.  Getting your hair washed and dried at the salon.

42. Accordions in music.  Don't ask.  I just love it.  Like this one.


43.  Food samples in a grocery store.

44.  The smell (and taste) of coffee.

45.  Mixed CDs.

46.  Good news about someone who deserves it.

47.  A marathon of a show you love.

48.  Folded chips.

49.   Reading outside.

50.   Perfect ratio of ice cream to pie/cake/cookie/crumble/crisp.

14 weeks.

How Far Along: 14 weeks tomorrow

Size of Babies: About 3-3.4 inches long and weigh about 1.5 oz each (the weight of 2 average chicken nuggets).

Weight Gain: Only up about 2-3 pounds.  Dr. Eck seemed pleased with this- as long as I wasn't losing.  I am going to try to beat my sister's record of weight gain.  Or not.

Belly: Definitely bigger than what I was with Mags at this point.  For obvious reasons. 

Taken at 13 weeks 3 days

Sleep: I love it.  I get about 11 hours a night and I'm still tired in the afternoon.  I know, I am enjoying it while I can...because I will never sleep again.  :)  

Movement: Every once in awhile I feel flutters when I am laying down.  However, I won't feel anything for certain for awhile. 

Food Cravings: Ice cream, cheese, nectarines. Meat is not that cool. Except I really want a #9 from Jimmy John's and I cannot have it.  

Clothes: My sister and I went out and bought some clothes and I have borrowed some from friends.  I didn't buy tons, as I am hoping that I won't fit into them for the entire pregnancy and I will probably have to get some different stuff for work, too.  Although being with my sister was fun, shopping was not. I felt like I was jinxing everything.  And, now I will be on all those stupid mailing lists again.


Appointments: Next Wednesday, July 11 (Maggie's due date).

Emotions: There's lots going on in my head right now.  Pure elation and excitement, nervousness, paranoia, joy, impatience, feeling overwhelmed, and thankfulness.  I've only teared up once.  When my buttered waffle fell on the floor.  Really.  Pull yourself together.

First OB Appointment

A few weeks ago D and I met with Dr. Eck (OB Dr) for the first time (since Maggie).
Obvs, I was nervous.
Like I kind of wanted to puke all over the place nervous.
Except I hadn't eaten because I was nervous.
And I had a list of questions that I wanted to ask her.


A synopsis of the appointment:

• The same nurse who couldn't find Maggie's heartbeat was in there again.  She told me that there are times as nurse that you never forget. Not finding Mag's heartbeat was one of those and she was so happy to see D and I back.
• This time, she found both heartbeats. I don't know how in the world she would find both, which is why I will not use a Doppler.  They were measuring about 161 and 156.  Perfect!  I'm pretty sure that those numbers indicate their IQs too, right?
• Dr. Eck came in and did the yearly exam (seriously) and also made sure everything else was measuring the way it should.
• We then dove into my list of questions...
• I can come in for a doppler check whenever I want- no appointment needed. Score.
• I will have appointments every 3-4 weeks until 20 weeks as long as things look good.
• At 20 weeks I will go to a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor (Perinatologist) in Wichita to do the 20 week anatomy scan.  This doctor will do an even more thorough check of Herbie and Puckett and make sure things are on track.  If not, s/he will continue to see me or refer me to a specialist.  The MFM is connected with a hospital with a NICU so that if something does need to be taken care of right after birth, I have connections.
• If everything with the MFM looks great, I will go back to Dr. Eck and that's when we will start more frequent ultrasounds and appointments.
• I should expect to deliver at about 36 weeks or so (and praying not before that!)  We will decide as the time approaches if I will do a C-section or not. It totally depends on the positioning of the babies.  At this point, I don't even care.  As long as I have meds and healthy babies, it doesn't even matter to me.
• She told me to try and enjoy this pregnancy. I'm doing my darndest, but it's pretty much impossible not to be paranoid and nervous.

I went back yesterday for a Doppler check cause I can.  

And I will.

I will make them regret offering free checks for me.

The nurse found the first heartbeat right away.

Then I reminded her there were two.

:)

She found the other one, although they were so similar in rates, that it was hard to distinguish which was which.  

So far so good. 

About halfway to viability at 27 weeks.

And my heart overflows with thanks.